It’s been a while since my last entry. I don’t even recall what it was about, but I’m here anyway to carry on the torch. Lol
I moved back to New York. By far the best choice of my life thus far. But I realized that while I had an idea when I came here, I didn’t quite have a PLAN. I didn’t set any deadlines. I didn’t give myself any dates, and I realized how very important that is. I have no idea how I’m going to make a recurring income, and I have so much pressure on me to “Find a Job!” because that’s what adults do. They find jobs, they pay bills, and they live monotonous, complaint-laden lives. I’m petrified of that. I DO NOT WANT THAT. And I know we should never focus on what we don’t want, and only on what we do if we are ever to have it, but it’s difficult to do that when “reality” is looming over your shoulder, chastising you for being a “destitute dreamer”.
So how am I going to make money off of my music and my voice in The Big Apple? I honestly have no clue where to start. And that’s because I have yet to take care to make a REAL plan with solid dates, courses of action and deadlines. But that’s also because I have no clue where to start from. I have no idea who to ask…
But I have realized that planning is so essential! I recently joined Journey (a non-denominational church here in the city that is very similar to Bridgeway in MD) and it has been a beacon of positivity thus far. I realized that I NEED a church family to thrive, or at least a gathering of spiritual people around me, and since I left Baltimore, I haven’t really had that. I would love to spend every single day with my girl C, but that’s not possible, so I had to find ways to grow spiritually on my own. I remember the other day that our pastor said “A goal without a date is just a dream”. If nothing in his sermon jumped out at me, that did.
And last night, I was watching 666 Park Avenue, and I realized that several of the people on that show submitted to what they felt was a higher power to make their greatest ambitions become realized. I watched how easily these characters submitted to Satan during their most desperate times, and in watching that, I realized how much more subservient I need to be to God. I need grace. I need abundance. These are things I need. I serve an awesome God who is totally able to offer all these things to me, and has given these things to me, but in turn, I need to give MORE to Him.
I need to pray more. I need be punctual. I need to meditate more. I need to do things on deadlines. I need to plan more. I need to keep my word more. I need to focus MORE. Otherwise, I’m gonna end up just like everybody else out there with a dollar and a dream; disappointed and broke.
Perhaps, I should simply begin to take my own advice. We live by faith, not by sight.
(I need to get my bible from my aunts house! I feel so naked without it!)